Totally Dramatic Chris
by Dumblissfool
Summary: Diary of the legendary Chris McLean! Ok that sounded so awful, but heck please give it a try? Its not very long. Another thing-ignore the review by "me". The suggestion thing for pairings has ended. Go check it out!
1. TDI, here I come!

Hello! New to this thing, both FanFiction AND Total Drama Island. So please, enjoy and don't pummel me with your fierce criticism.

OK for those who seen the stupid review made by "me", sorry about that. It's my stupid brother. I'll get him for this...so ignore it please and don't be affected by it, please?

I don't own TDI. If I did, it won't be just a cartoon. DON'T JUDGE ME.

* * *

Alright! I just got a job in showbiz---again! Can my life possibly get any better? That last movie about zombies which I starred as the _main _

character of it, reaped truckloads of cash! I am so owning this world right now! That new show I just got in is called Total Drama Island. If you ask

me, it kinda seemed like a rip-off of the Survivor show. Was doubtful of it at first, but that Totally changed when I saw the paycheck. Man was it

big! Must have put up a good show in front of those interviewers because they just made me the writer and the executive producer of

Total Drama Island! Man, am I that awesome?The idea of the show is that twenty-two campers or contestants are fooled (I came up with that),

ha-ha, into this competition and more importantly on a deserted island to _suffer. _And I get to see those fools crying out for mercy! How cool is

that! By the way, I'm the host of the show so that explains a lot of stuff which I do not want to write. Anyways they get to live in or should I

say forced to live in a pathetic campsite with old bunk beds. Perhaps I can help make things more interesting, hmm say bugs in the sink? On

the first day of their torture? Nice! Did I mention those competitors are teens? I sure wanna see how they do without their parents! Man I got a

good feeling about this. Oh happy, happy days! I'm considering having three teams on this show. That should spark off some _competition_, get it?

Ha-ha, oh yeah, I'm so loving this job right now! Now unfortunately comes the part where I have to do some work, like the names of teams and

the hiring of casts. You don't really expect me to test all those challenges do you? About those names; Savage Sharks? Pointy Piranhas? Cuddly

Hamsters?...I may need some time. Write you later!

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How was it? Sucked? 3/5 star? Or was it awesome? Any way, please tell me through your much anticipated reviews!


	2. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow

Hello again! Surprised to see me update so fast? Yep, you can thank a certain someone for that. I think you know who you are. My first time being favourited! Thank you! Hope this isn't a bad chapter.

OK for those who seen the stupid review made by "me", sorry about that. It's my stupid brother. I'll get him for this...so ignore it please and don't be affected by it, please?

Still not owning TDI. I'll tell you guys when I do.

* * *

The next day is _the day_. The start of the hottest new reality show, Total Drama Island! Awesome, I can't wait to rock that show! I've

_singlehandedly_ gotten twenty-two suckers for my show. My gut just keeps yelling to me that this is going to be a major hit! And I so know that!

Anyhow, it turns out I can't have three teams; twenty-two just can't give me three even groups! Damned you, math! Guess I'll have to settle for

two teams then. Bummer. Couldn't think of three good team names anyway. Been staying in Camp Wawanaka for quite some time now, and I

have to say, I'm impressed. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It's no five-star resort here, but heck, lucky I'm not the contestant for this show. But

someone needs to do something about those black flies though. They are _seriously_ starting to _bug_ me, ha-ha, get it? Man I'm funny! Maybe I can

get a plane to spray pesticides over this area. Anyways, I've finally got someone to test my first challenge! That guy is such a whiny chicken,

always complaining about producers not paying him enough. Glad I'm the executive producer, so don't he expect me to pay him! And why he is a

chicken? It took me like one minute to convince Hatchet to jump off the cliff! Not to mention those ridiculous floats he had on at that time. Yup, his

name's Hatchet, and that guy is wicked man! I mean, look at his size! And it's amazing and mostly funny to see a guy like him squirm. Not an

intern, but he'll do. Wish I had healthy interns though. Me testing out the jump? No way am I getting my hair wet over such minor task! Now that

the first challenge is deemed safe, all I have to do is sit back and relax…and try getting the word Wawanakwa right; it's like a tongue twister or

something. Write you tomorrow!

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How Izzy-ed? Get it? Ok, ok I'll stop. Again, reviews please! Thanks again!


	3. Not so very unhappy Chris

Heylo! Man I'm on a writing rampage or something like that! Awesome! Hopefully you guys actually like my stories, otherwise I'm just a raving lunatic! So brace yourselves for more Chris drama! ON!.......TOTALLY!.........DRAMATIC!.........CHRIS!

OK for those who seen the stupid review made by "me", sorry about that. It's my stupid brother. I'll get him for this...so ignore it please and don't be affected by it, please?

I don't own TDI. SHOCKER.

* * *

It's minutes before ten now. Word has it that the rating for Total Drama Island went _through _the roof. Oh yeah, bonus! Today was _just _awesome!

All twenty-two campers arrived, not a minute too late. All of them seemed normal and cooperative, with a few exceptions. One of them called me

short! That is totally not good for the camera! Another one even tried to get rough! That Goth girl snatched my thick pile of important papers and

_tore _it in half! That is one freaky pair of hands man! What has she been _doing_ with her _hands_? That I can only wonder…not for long though, mha-

ha! The first part of the challenge went smoothly. I have to say, I'm impressed, most of them took the crazy plunge into the shark infested

waters! If I knew that, I wouldn't have to carry that many chicken hats. Owen, the fat guy, nearly flooded the island with his splash! Ok, maybe

not the entire island, but if he had a twin with him, the splash would totally flood their campsite. It would have been awesome, but _unfortunately_

it didn't happen. At the later part of the challenge, I witnessed something _amazing._ Totally made up for lost fun! It turns out, the annoying duo,

Katie and Sadie, got their butts _inflamed_! All during nature's call! The two were like mowing the sandy beach with their behinds! Another job well

done by poison oak! I knew planting poison oaks were an awesome idea! Oh and the rigging of the crates? Totally dramatic results! Tough luck

Killer Bass, tough luck, ha-ha. Ah, it's been so long since I've had so much fun. Hot tub party going on soon, a chance to get some _close-ups_ with

those fellow campers! I am so enjoying this job! Write you next time!

* * *

I hope it didn't suck. And PLEASE review? I NEED MY REVIEWS!


	4. Big Bore

Yo! Yet another chap. Probably not the best, but here you go. Anyways I wrote this because I wanted YOUR attention. I got a oneshot that needs YOUR help. Go to my profile and take a look! That one INVOLVES SHIPPING so gogogo! Tell me which kind you guys want or I'll stick to friendship. Send any message of any kind, I don't mind.

OK for those who seen the stupid review made by "me", sorry about that. It's my stupid brother. I'll get him for this...so ignore it please and don't be affected by it, please?

Still not owning TDI.

* * *

Today's challenge must be the most boring and tedious thing I had ever done in this show. At first it was still awesome. The morning air was

totally fresh. So I thought it would be unfair if I didn't wake the campers up. Perfect time and day for a rousing run, so I _made _them run. Originally

it was a two-kilometer walk, but since they're big boys and girls, figured they needed something more _challenging_, ha-ha. That, and I seriously

wanted to test my quad bike. So it's a win-win situation. Oh, I'm such a giver. The run, or should I say ride was awesome! I rode, shouted with

the amplifier thing and watched contestants struggling to keep their pace. Oh come on, running isn't hard! They should thank me for training their

wimpy legs. Instead they stared daggers at me as I whizzed past. Maybe they were jealous of my perfect hair. Oh well, can't blame them. Blame

me for being so perfect. Afterwards a buffet was set and you should see their faces when I drew the curtains! Didn't know Chef could whip up

something that good. I have to admit, all that excitement made me peckish. So I joined in the feast. No infringement of the rules there. Soon the

table was cleared. Some appetite they got there. Here comes the dreaded Awakathon! Even _I_ dread it. Thought after all that they would drop like

bricks in no time. Turns out they stayed awake for an entire day! Like twenty-four hours! And I thought my challenges were tough. Time to kick it

up a notch! Story telling! I've even made Chef wear the sheep suit. You know, I'm surprised the suit didn't rip. Well, not instantly anyway. The suit

probably won't make them drowsy, but man I needed some entertainment right about now. Later I found out Chef took ballet lessons and I just

got to get him a ballerina suit! How can I possibly pass up such an opportunity? Tell me, how? Freaky yes, but totally hilarious! In the end, it was

the history of Canada that ended the challenge. Still, it was me who thought of that so kudos for me! Eva got voted for the shortest temper

within the Bass. And boy was she mad! Kicked me on the shin on her way to the dock! What did I do? The nerve of some people. Glad she won't

be coming back, eva-r! Get it? Ha-ha, gonna sleep now!

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I hope it is still readable. I'm losing my confidence. So please review! Even if you want to criticise me. Remember to check my profile for shipping selection!!!


	5. Dodge this Noah!

My first review! Awesome! Keep em coming! Be it compliments or criticism! Sorry if that previous chapter isn't entertaining enough. Hope this is a better one. On with the story!

OK for those who seen the stupid review made by "me", sorry about that. It's my stupid brother. I'll get him for this...so ignore it please and don't be affected by it, please?

!NO OFFENCE INTENDED TO NOAH FANS!

Don't own TDI.

* * *

What a day! Harold was both the _joke_ and the _hero_ of the day! That's something new! Totally unexpected man! During breakfast, he appeared with a

ridiculous stache on his face! He strode in with pride, as if he _owned_ the place. Heck I own this place and I don't stride. Sparks were already flying between

the two teams during breakfast. It's about time things get a little bit _messy_ anyway, ha-ha. Luckily for Courtney, Chef didn't catch her abusing his cooking.

Contrary to Goth girl's claim, the thing in their bowls isn't _oatmeal_, ha-ha! I can't believe they downed all that! Guess Chef did a great job _seasoning _and

_mashing_ those beetle grubs. The day's challenge was dodge ball, a _personal _favorite of mine! It was totally awesome! Well it would have if Noah didn't

interrupt me every now and then. The Gophers kicked ass in the game! Of course, that is, until Duncan decided not to kill his teammates and actually play.

Totally turned both the tide and the table! The game was going so well that those sitting out got hit! Katie, or was it Sadie, got her face fixed with a ball by

Tyler! Friendly fire, ha-ha! Couldn't get their names right; either way, it was the fat lady who got it. Tyler took a painful shot from Heather, which seriously

threatened his manlihood, ha-ha! Noah wasn't spared; a direct score onto his face! Nope, _it wasn't me who threw it._ Or was it? Ha-ha, either way, serves

him right! Tyler almost got me in the face with his crazy shot! Looks like karma was busy today, ha-ha! Anyways, this morning our TV crew finally got the

rewind thingy up and running! So I made Geoff a _smashing_ star, get it? It all came down to the fat but surprisingly strong guy and the walking stick. Harold

did some insane moves in the court, dodging all four balls from Owen! Wicked stunts man! Thanks to Killer Bass's encouragement and the risk of being

voted off, Harold suffered internal injuries and more importantly caught the ball! What a game! So for the first time in TDI history, the Killer Bass

won and ended the Gophers winning streak! The know-it-all Noah didn't know what hit him. He ended up having the honor to be the first one

voted out of the Screaming Gophers. Oh well, no one will miss him. Not me anyway. Write you later!

* * *

So? Hope it can make up for the previous chap. NO OFFENCE INTENDED TO NOAH FANS! And please tell me which Chris shipping you go for! I got a oneshot that seriously need YOUR HELP! Seriously! I promise it's a good one! To me anyway...


	6. Famous is my middle name!

Yo! I seriously need you guys to tell me what shipping you prefer! Tell me through reviews, be it anonymous or signed! Or pm! Pr any other way! Anyways, get ready for more Totally!........Dramatic!........Chris!

And for that review by "me", it was my brother who did it! Honest!

I don't own TDI.

* * *

Oh yeah! Ratings just get better with each passing day! Awesome! Today I thought I'll let their bodies rest after that rather brutal ball game. So I guess

humiliation will do. And so talent contest awaits them! Just to be a exceptionally good host for once, I gave them _three_ hours to choose and practice their

'talents'. Most of them pretty much have no talent at all. For Heather, I would say ballet isn't exactly her talent. Scheming is. And Chef could have done

better at her at ballet. As for Owen, he pretty much rocked! I always wanted to see, or hear, someone burp the alphabet at _one go_! Unfortunately the team

_ballerina_ had to debar him from the contest. Why does jealousy always get the better of us? DJ? Well, his talent is just plain weird. Muscles and daintiness

just don't mix well. I for one know that. For the Bass, things couldn't get any better. So it got worse, ha-ha. Dangling spotlight _anyone_? Ha-ha, I can't

believe it came crashing down and hit someone. Many thanks to surfer chick, I didn't have to listen to anymore violin. They remind me of my time taking

_those _lessons. It wasn't long before it's time for the real deal. And man was it full of twists and mishaps! Justin did his, well 'talent', and got pretty good

points. _I could have done better._DJ did his ribbon thing and screwed up, earning him two points from Chef. Trent did some love song supposedly for Gwen

and he did a fine job, but that doesn't mean he can hog my spotlight! Kids these days. Bridgette made a _green_ performance and totally showered the

audience with some of her 'stuff'.If I had my _own_ meter, I would have given her full points! _If I had. _Heather donned the look of a ballerina, but did no

ballerina stuff; instead she read Goth girl's diary to the entire viewing world. Not cool man, _not cool_. Diaries are important and sacred and totally should not

be messed with. So no points for her 'talent'. Geoff was supposed to be on, showing his wicked skateboarding, but due to some issues with the board, got

replaced by Harold. Ok, so I may have secretly borrowed and played with his board, but that doesn't mean it's my fault. Blame its poor quality. In fact, the

Bass should thank me for it because walking stick's beat boxing just saved their ass! No no, I don't need any thanks, they can all just continue to wonder

why the board broke. Oh humble me. In the end, my pal Justin had to join the losers, showing that looks isn't all that. Unless it's me of course! The island

ain't big enough for both of us anyway. So for the second time running, Harold saved the team with his surprising skills. Gotta go get some Wawanakwa fire

ants for that _Diary-Invader_, so write you later!

* * *

Yes it's me again, pleading for your priceless reviews. **And** **seriously, which pairing you guys prefer?**


	7. Best challenge everso far

Hey, nice to see you reaching this chapter! I sure hope I didn't waste a lot of your time with my story. I'm quite drained of ideas for other stories, so if you have some idea or ideas, feel free to tell me! On with the story!

I don't own TDI.

* * *

So far the most relaxing challenge yet! Maybe not for them, but who cares? Finally, a chance for me to get both manicure and pedicure at the

same time! My nails totally needed a break from my job. It gets better! I had a buffet specially laid out for me too! And it lasts the entire day!

Those grilled lobsters were simply gorgeous! Love the tangy mango dipping! They had fresh oysters topped with some kind of cheese, which

were awesome! Not a big fan of oysters, but they certainly made me happy! All this great food and pampering happened on my new, private

yacht! Another thing; I just got my brand new fifty-inch TV which means a totally sweet point of view of my fellow campers! How is it all possible? I

don't really know, but my money maybe have an answer to that! Ha-ha, this is the life. While I was enjoying life, they had it bad. Gwen was pretty

bummed today. Oh well, you smile some, you frown some. Except for me! Glad she didn't tell those campers what really happened to that diary-

hater that night. The campers, unfortunately, found their campsites, like, in a few hours _without_ incident. With the exception of the annoying duo.

At least there's a consolation, I guess. Should have laid land mines or something around the island. Fireworks would go pretty well with my

unofficial day off. Darned budget. For any good show, it needs an awesome host as well as amazing camera crew. So as a token of appreciation

for their hard work, I've ordered pizzas for them. Pepperoni assured. And it so happens that the thing that they're filming, were those famished

contestants! What a well-timed coincidence! Fancy those campers accusing me of torturing them. I was trying to be a good guy! Although not

directed at them. Can't blame them though; everyone just wants a piece of me. The sad thing about today was Chef couldn't join me. I needed

him to do something with my bear suit. That reminds me, when am I going to get it back? Anyways Chef did an excellent marshmallow trail. That

bear simply just adore those white stuffs. Darn, look at the clock. Time to say goodbye to paradise and get back to the trailer. Time sure flies

when you're having fun. Write you later! Wonder who would get voted off toomorrow?

* * *

This chapter maybe wasn't a good one. The episode didn't involve Chris a lot. Again, if you have an idea about any kind of story, and you want to scream it to the heavens, go nuts with your reviews. I don't exactly have a "heaven" for you to scream at though.


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